


One last time, One last fight.

by superwholockchild



Category: SPN, Supernatural, cas/dean - Fandom, destiel - Fandom
Genre: DeanCas - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, Gay, Homosexuality, Lots of Sex, Love, M/M, PTSD, Sex, Smut, Smutty, Trauma, cas/dean, traumatic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2017-09-29
Packaged: 2018-05-20 19:29:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 21,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6022093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superwholockchild/pseuds/superwholockchild
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>castiel is on the run from the angels, he found a safe corner of heaven and now he is back with dean and the time has come to end the feud between cas & dean and the angels.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The day was like any other, there was nothing particularly special about it, the sky a dull grey and occasionally there was a dry gust of wind that broke the atmosphere. Bobby, Sam and Dean all sat around in the kitchen discussing how they were going to attack a coven that had recently been causing allot of 'mysterious' animal attacks in mountain town in Wisconsin. As bobby reached across the table to grab the map from Dean, there came a familiar (to Dean) ear splitting noise that only increased in pitch, and all the windows in Bobby's house shattered. Dean remembered when he first encountered Castiel, the angle that gripped him tight and raised him from perdition, oh how he longed for castiels firm hands on him, his warm body keeping him company in the stiff motel beds, he knew there was an angel about. 

Knowing that whatever came at them next would not be easy to kill Dean got right down to safe guarding the house with enochian sigils placing banishing sigils in various places. for the next five minutes Sam, Bobby and dean sat and paced waiting on baited breath for the coming catastrophe. Before long this scrawny character comes stumbling up the doorsteps and knocks on the door shocking the threesome into action. 

"Please!?!?" came the voice from behind the door " just let me in I'm a friend, i promise, i have someone you'll want to see, they need you... NOW! He isn't in a good shape!!" Bobby was the first to move from the kitchen to the front door, without the windows he could see who it was...... castiel? and a mysterious angel who none of the had seen before. "Dean, he was telling the truth, you're gunna' want to come out here and you too sammy." 

A few hours later castiel was laid in bed upstairs and dean had insisted on staying with him, they haddnt exctly left each other on good terms but they both loved each other. In the kitchen Sam and Bobby sat opposite the new angel. " so, whats going on?" asked sam " last i knew Castiel was being hunted and left dean for thier safety. Not forgetting, who are you?" the angel cleared his throat, "well, sam, Bobby, my name is haniel and yes i am an angel of he lord as you most likely guessed thanks to my "arrival" sorry about that, anyway, yes sam that is how your story ended but after castiel left you he retreated to heaven and into my corner. As you know time is different, so for you what was six months was more like a year for us," the Angel paused. Bobby broke the silence, " How did feather-butt upstairs end up looking like that?" It took a moment for Haniel to figure out Bobby meant Castiel. " Occasionally Castiel would wander, he did it frequently and had come back unharmed, i counselled him and protected him for the harm of others, i am an old angel and had no intention of hurting castiel like the other archangels, only this morning he came to me all bloodied and bruised begging me if he were to die he has to see you three one last time." No one said a word for a while this was rather a lot to take in.


	2. Chapter 2

Meanwhile in the bedroom Castiel had roused, his fluffy hair stuck up in ways that only made Dean's longing even worse, he had found it hard enough to resist him whilst he slept let alone now he could hear his sexy sleepy voice. 

It was a while before either one of them spoke, Castiel had propped himself up with the pillows an dean had positioned himself at the foot of the bed. "so.." said dean all breathy. "Don't even say anything Dean, the time i spent away from you has been the worst time of my life. This is more than sex Dean, i've rebelled against heaven for you and i don't expect you to feel like you're in my debt.. What i think im trying to say is, whatever happens i cannot be without you, a part of me stays with you. Please Dean i need you, id give up my grace, please forgive me take me back."  Castiel stared intently into deans golden eyes. With a gruff voice Dean replied, "Cas... I love you, I may not ever understand what we have, but I know I love you, ask sammy he can tell you I haven't been myself since you left. I hate seeing you so beaten. I don't want to be the cause of your pain but I cannot resist you any longer."  Castiel began to growl deep in his throat. "Oh how i've missed this, you.. I don't want to hurt you, can we do this?" Castiel replies by leaning into the crook of his neck and nibbling gently, mewing like a kitten. "God Cas!" grumbled Dean s he pushed Castiel down onto the mattress. Dean rips Castiel's shirt off scattering buttons everywhere, " Dean-" Castiel began to protest but dean interrupts him by putting his hands in the angels hair and biting on his bottom lip asking for access to castiel's mouth with his tongue. Once castiel parted his lips it was like both men were on fire they could not have enough of each other and the kisses deepened both of them needed more but Dean knew all too well how far castiel would go and he also knew that castiel needed to sleep. Dean moved castiel onto his lap " Look feathers you need rest so how about we wait just abit longer i promise when your not in so much pain we will make up for all the lost time but now sleep. Dean fidgeted and removed both his clothes and what remained of Castiels. And they held each other as they fell into a deep sleep, the best sleep they had both had had in a long time. 

A couple hours later castiel woke up in the arms of Dean, he felt very sore and achey. He rolled over and climbed out of bed reaching around for his clothes only to find his shirt with no buttons attached. Instead of facing Bobby, Sam or Haneil he decided it was safer to hop in the the shower first. walking to the bathroom he grabbed a towel that had been left on the chair by the door, castiel turned on the water and stepped in letting the hot water fall on his back. Castiel began to daydream about how dean was going to make up for lost time. Before long castiel had a semi and lost in the lustful thoughts of dean he didn't realise he had company until Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel's chest and began rubbing the dripping water into the anges skin, " hey feathers," Dean whispered playfully in castiel's ear. Dean continued to explore Castiel's body, "Just like i remember." he muttered as he leant in to kiss cas on the neck but castiel turned around and took Dean by surprise, which did not happen often, taking ahold of Dean's hand he moved it towards his groin "surprise? i got a present for you." said castiel excitedly "well well cas, what are we to do with this? i wonder"  castiel giggled like a young boy and Dean reveled in that sound "remind me to do this more often." Dean began stroking Castiels ever growing erection. Judging by castiels moans he was close to climax and dean was getting close himself. cas was the first to cum all over dean's hand  and watching cas hiss Deans name made him fall apart and he too came.


	3. Chapter 3

"Sammy?" asked Dean  as he heard a rasping at the bedroom door, " Can I come in?" Dean hesitated what would Sam think if he saw deans crumpled clothes all over the floor and Cas sleeping soundly in the bed, naked. "sure thing." Sam walked in as dean was pulling up his pants. " Everything okay?..." His eyes wandered over to Castiel's sleeping form. "Uh, yeah, i mean no..i dunno Sammy i don't think he is hurt too bad there are still a few bruises but he is healing faster than he ever did before." Sam began to ponder whether that had to do with Cas being with Dean again. And by the looks of things Cas had definitely been 'with' Dean. " so, uh are you two, umm back together?or is it like.. i dunno?" Dean chuckled Sam had always been so polite when it came to castiel and Dean'srelationship, always stumbling over his words not sure how to define things, always making sure he didn't over step the line and offend either of the guys. " Yeah mate, we are "together", like properly." Sam took a step forward and gave his brother, and gave him a single armed hug; " i'm happy for you bro, You two are good for each other." Dean took a moment before he spoke," Thanks man, He really does make me feel good for once, like the world isn't always monsters, He has helped me, us try and save mom he understands that i don't really understand my attraction to him and i don't like to talk all the time but, man that guy right there fills my heart in a way pie and Busty Asian Beauties never did."


	4. Chapter 4

After Dean had his heart to heart with Sam he left the two alone until Cas woke up.  
Reluctantly the pair went downstairs in search of food, and although they were silent both had many thoughts in their heads.

Dean had began to think about how he and Cas were going to need to get an apartment then he would remember that he would remember that he would have to give up hunting and he would have to give up hunting and he wasn't sure he could do that he wasn't sure what that meant for him and Cas, he was dead sure though that Castiel was the love of his life and no matter what happened he wanted to be with him forever and no one would ever be able to take his place.

Castiel on the other hand was daydreaming no serious thoughts like he probably should be thinking but ones that made his stomach do little flips and tense up and others that made him want to turn a violent shade of scarlet. They all revolved around him and Dean. One of them in particular he liked the most; the three of them were working on a case and had spent the evening in the motel doing research. Dean and Cas had waited until Sam was snoring then sneeked out for a drive, Dean finally parking his beloved impala next to a clearing and sat on the bonnet with him, they watched the sky and made out till sun rise, just like old times.

All too soon the men were ripped from their thoughts of each other. " WHAT D'YOU MEAN YOU GOTTA GO BACK THERE?!" came Bobby's voice from the kitchen, "The archangels are still hunting Castiel and my absence has made them suspicious, i have a day until i need to be back there so i can help you get him to relative safety if you so require my assistance." That had to be Haniel thought Castiel, and he told Dean but didn't get to finish explaining because they both heard Sam angered voice, " I don't know if you two will actually understand what has happened to Dean, no offense Bobby but i do spend like 24/7 with the guy. Castiel is the best thing that has ever happened to him. Losing Dad the way we did put Dean in a bad place, then he went and threw his life away committing his soul to hell.. for me.. he wasn't exactly right when he came out but once Cas began helping he improved, more than that Castiel fixed Dean, i've never seen him so happy, i though he had found it with Lisa and Ben but this is something different, the time those two spent in purgatory bought them closer in the end and then to loose Cas tore him apart. I'm making decision and i don't care if either of you agree with me I am going to fight for them, I am not going to force them into hiding Dean is a hunter and a Winchester, he wouldn't allow that to happen and would end up getting himself into even more trouble. we are not going to hide because some angels got their feathers ruffled and that final, you're either going to help me or not!"

Dean stood dead still after everything Dean had put Sam through, he still cared deeply. he had never before heard such fight in Sam's voice. "Dean?" whispered Cas, he watched as a single tear rolled down rolled down his face, it caught on Deans nose and Cas kissed it away, wrapping his arms around the man he loved so much, he whispered comforts into deans ear trying to calm him whilst deans world began to tumble down. Dean was crying, yes dean Winchester was crying and inside he was chastising himself for being such a wimp but he had good reason. not only does his brother care about him a hell of allot more than he ever expected, dean had actually told Sam that he had to kill him yet he was still willing to risk his life against angels all for the sake pof his heart. that and he was so in love with castiel and over joyed with castiel's return he had forgotten all about the price on his boyfriends head.

once dean regained his composure he walked hand in hand with Cas into the kitchen. he refused to look like a pussy now after all the effort he had put into looking tough. Once in the kitchen he surveyed his company nodding to Bobby and Haneil. His gaze finally landed on Sam. "Dude, technically i owe you a broken nose now you mentioned Lisa and Ben, but after what you just said I'm not going to be a dick" solemnly sam told dean, "It's cool bro, you deserve it after the hell you've been through. I just want you to be happy." Dean nodded close to tears all over again " you are the best little bro anyone could ask for," he said directing it at Sam, "now before this turns into a total chick flick moment can i please get some pie?" everyone but Haneil chortled at deans humour in the face of adversity. Good old Dean Winchester even when the on the run from heavens host he still  wanted pie.


	5. Chapter 5

Later that evening after everyone had dinner (burgers and fries of course, castiel's choice) they all sat down to watch tv together but before long castiel had began wincing, he was getting tired and the more exhausted he became the more he hurt. "Dean do you mind if i go to bed i hurt a bit and-" Dean cut him off  "sure thing babe, you head up and ill grab us a drink and be up in two seconds." he stood up and kissed the top of castiel's head lingering just long enough to inhale the sent that he had grown accustomed to, castiel's smell, warm like winter spice yet light like spring flowers.

The couple walked to the stairs and dean carries on to the kitchen, whilst castiel walks upstairs. As Dean grabs two glasses from the cupboard he hears a shuffle of feet but he knows that it had to be Haniel, he could tell by his presence, and angles grace was so much more powerful than a human soul so easier to sense. "Dean?" asks the angel "we need to speak, i will be as brief as i can be." And before Dean got the chance to protest the angel launched into his speech. " I have been looking after Castiel as you know by now whilst he was in heaven, and it is thanks to me that has not been found since he came back. i am an old angel one of the many archangels but i have no interest with Castiel's grace, unlike the others. i cannot say for sure yet if we will win this battle i will have a better idea after i have seen my..." the angels hesitates before he spits of the word "brothers, but there are two things i need to tell you, in the morning we will be heading off to a cabin in a woods it is best you not know exactly wear it is, however Bobby knows its exact location, it is fully stocked in case of emergency there is a weapons room and is both demon and angel proof. that was the first thing the second is not such good news. i have an idea as to how we can win this war, i think if i remove castiel grace and hand it over to the other archangels they might leave you too alone, if they get their hands on casiel not only will they rip out his grace and make him mortal but they Will torture him to death." And with that the angel turned on his heel and went back into the living room.

The knews Haneil just delivered to him should have torn him apart but the angel had a point, in his heart he knew it was all true. ultimatly they were a rag tag group of hunters that had cheated death too many times to count and a broken angel with daddy issues who defied his older brothers because he fell in love with a human man. what a sorry story.


	6. Chapter 6

Castiel was sat up in the soft, warm double bed, he wasn't wearing any clothes and he had the quilt wrapped around his waist. Cas had began to wonder what was taking Dean so long, all he was getting was a glass of water, when he heard the tell tale deft tones of Deans feet on the wooden staircase. As Dean waked in the room Castiel's breath caught in his throat, Deans eyes were rimmed red and he was attempting to wipe the last tear that was tumbling down his face. "Baby?" asked Castiel tenderly. it took Dean a moment before he spoke up, " I love you with my every thing Castiel..." No one dared say a word, the tears began to roll again. Dean climbed into bed sobbing, Cas shifted, forgetting his nakedness and began to remove the clothes from his boyfriend. he watched as Dean's eyes stared intently on his sinewy muscles. once both men had no clothes on they lied down and what started off as a comforting cuddle turned into a fiery expression of love.

 Cas was slightly taken aback by the raw emotion in Deans kiss, he could almost taste the need on his soft supple lips, but this did'nt stop him he carried on mirroring Dean letting him peppper kisses all over his body, deans hands began to wander from Cas' back onto his thighs. Just the look in Deans eyes was enough to get Cas hard but now that his skilled hands were making thier way up to the apex of cas's thighs his cock was throbbing with excitement. Dean began pumping gently squeezing every now and again, tracing circles on the tip of his cock with his thumb, Cas was mirroring Deans movement. both men were sufficiently aroused and they looked into each others eyes and shared a look they new all to well.

At the slight nod of a head the couple shifted so one of them had their head at the foot end of the bed and the other with their head at the pillow end of the bed, at the same time the men took the other mans hardened penis into their mouths immediately playing with the tips, dean was the first to let out a slow almost pained moan that vibrated down the length of castiel's dick because Cas had taken the whole of Dean into his mouth and had began reflexively gagging, tightening the throat muscles around the most sensitive area of Dean's lengthy cock, whilst cupping his balls with one of his spare hands. Cas knew if it were not for Dean diligently sucking he would be shouting cas' name by now.

It was then whilst Castiel was deep in thought that Dean had a brilliant idea, one that he knew for sure would lead to places they had rarely travelled before. Dean was moaning at a steady pace as cas was playing tongue acrobatics, so dean stepped up his pace sucking harder and faster, then sowing to the pace of a snail, all the wile distracting him from had migrated from the small of his boyfriends back and ever closer to the one spot Dean knew Cas loved. Just as Dean felt cas begin to growl at the back of his throat Dean let his pinkie finger slide into Castiel's tight anus. In, out, in and out dean was picking up pace as was Cas both men had thir anuses full with the others cock. they both knew that in seconds they would come undone. Dean thrust one last time, with his fingers and he felt castiel wondrous dick pulse , he knew what was coming next. Cas could feel himself coming undone so he began flicking the end of Deans penis until he felt the tell tale pulse.

Dean came first, with cas not even a second behind, both men swallowing the load and re-coordinating themselves so they were tangled in each others arms. 

without realising it Dean had began softly singing to his boyfriend, it was a bazaar song, that dean had happened upon in Castiels absence, it reminded him of the many times his now boyfriend had turned up on his doorstep all bloodied and broken. 

If we take this angel in

With its broken wing

We could nurse it

he said

Come inside

For a little lie down with me

If you fall asleep

It wouldn’t be the worst thing

But when I wake up

Your feather is on my shoulder

And tell me, if I lie down

Would you stay now

And let me hold you?

But if I kiss you

Will your mouth read this truth?

Darling, how I miss you

Strawberries taste how lips do

And it’s not complete yet

Mustn’t get our feet wet

Cos that leads to regret

Diving in too soon

And I’ll owe it all to you

My little angel

My little angel

Dean rarely sang but when he did Castiel fell in love with him all over again, Dean had the voice of an angel, castiel would know. Both men fell into a deep dreamless sleep the two bodies becoming one.


	7. Chapter 7

the next morning everyone was up early crashing about downstairs packing up all the necessary  supplies for an undisclosed amount of time. Bobby had a grim expression n his face he wasn't pleased about Haneil leaving, however Bobby did'nt know there was a possibility of Cas losing his grace, and Dean was going to keep it that way he wanted it t be the last resort not a plan of action. Sam tiptoed around unsure of what to say or loitering and getting under peoples feet for a guy so full of fighting spirit only a day ago, the man that stood in the corner of he kitchen by the door was a different man. 

They had decided on taking the cars much to the angels chagrin. But it was crucial the big wigs up top didn't get wind of any "suspicious" activity. as the only two angels currently on earth would be #1 public enemy and Haniel on "research". 

By ten o clock everyone was loaded into the cars, dean driving the impala with Cas calling shotgun and in Bobby's car, a 1971 black Chevelle, he drove with Haniel in shotgun and sam in the back, complaining about not having enough leg room. 

In the impala dean had Metallica playing quietly whilst both men focused on the car in front neither knowing wear they were headed, this was not going to be an easy journey, but at least he and Castiel would be together. 

whilst Dean brooded next to Cas, his mind began to wander, Castiel soon drifted off the sleep slumping against the window.

The air was thick with the sound of chirping from the insects, it was the middle of summer and dean stood in the middle of a meadow wearing a pair of his favourite faded and ripped jeans the ones that castiel always told dean that they hugged his bum, he was also wearing a dress shirt but it was unbuttoned exposing deans perfect abs and seductive 'V lines'  the sun shone down on dean, reflecting perfect shades of honey blonde in his chestnut hair, Cas walked over too him wearing a button down shirt and khaki shorts, neither of them were wearing any shoes. Cas reached up touch Deans perfect hair , but instead Dean span castiel around till they toppled over and fell into the soft warm grass on top of each other, entwined in each other, passionately kissing each other, Dean began to mumble Cas' name in his ear.

He became aware of the name calling becoming a little louder, more real and feeling something or someone stroking his arm. it was Dean, they had arrived. castiel woke up, his eyes fluttering adjusting to the half light outside, he had been asleep a while; " Hey gorgeous," Dean said as he swiped a stray hair from his boyfriends face planting a kiss on the end of his nose, " what were you dreaming about angel, you kept blushing and saying my name?" castiel immediately went pink, " yes Dean it was about you, we were having fun in this wonderful meadow, but guess what?" dean smiled, it was the type of smile that made his eyes glisten and the corners crinkle, " I dunno baby what? we weren't having sex again were we cos i wanna know what i was doing to make you say my name like that." A little giggle escaped Cas, and Deans heart melted. " Nope," cas said with a mischievous smile, " Its just that your so much more handsome in person, however i wouldn't minded dreaming about that."


	8. Chapter 8

The convoy had reached what was to be the couples new home for an undetermined amount of time. The so called hideout was a delapedated shack, no windows, a door almost falling of its hinges, rotten wood, a sloping roof . the guys in he other car had already got out and were chatting about something, but dean was too interested in focusing on his boyfriend, after he shared his dream he really took in the place and dean could tell he recognised it, but he felt an invisible wall come up around castiel, he wasnt going to tell Dean why he knew the place and that worried Dean ALOT. 

Sam walked over to the sleek impala, that looked so out of place in middle of a barely recognisable dirt track in the middle of a forrest next to a run down, abandoned shack, and he rapped on the window. As Cas rolled it down he took a slow deep breath, all the angel could thgink about was the day he stole away the woman, monster, that had escaped purgatory. He had took her to Crowley and left her for dead, that was a time he wished he could forget, it hurt him to see dean react the way he had, he wanted to help but to help he had to be an apsolute dick about it. But that is old news he had to focus on now. ~" so," said cas hesitantly trying to start a conversation betweeen the tree of them. "Uh, yeah, so, well we're ready if you are..."  All three men sighed, this is not what they had imagined.  

From wear the three men stood they could clearly see Bobby starting to get impatient, so they decided to stop with the silent procrastination and just accept thier fate. the minute Bobby saw them coming over looking like he had just kicked a puppy infront of them he cracked up, "I got no idea why you ladys are giving me that look, you may get on my neverves but do you really think id let you stay in this thing?" He opened the door and all of them stepped inside... it was as bad inside as out but Bobby knew what he was doing and reached beneath the carpet lifting it up to reveal 3 consectutive demon traps painted on doors. Bobby explained that only one of them was the real the other two lead to panic rooms. it took them a few minutes to reach their destination and every few feet ther were demon traps, Bobby really had gone out of his way to rig this place.  

As they reached the doorway sam began to wonder about Haniel he had been oh so gun ho a few hours ago yet haddnt said a word the whole journey or once they got there, then it occured that what he was doing was a felonie he had obvioiusly never rebbeled , that and he had to go and face them as soon as he was sure that Cas and Dean were safe. Sam hung back so he could get Haniel to himself for a second, Haniel looked toward sam guessing from his questioning look that the younger winchester had something to say. Haniel motioned towards the door and mouthed to sam "once we are inside". sam sighed, it would have to do. 

The door was in sight Bobby was at the front Dean and Cas were walking behind him holding each others hands in a vice like grip and Sam and Haniel were lagging behind. the closer they all got to the door the more nervous they got. But once Bobby opened the door, it was shock, the place was perfect. there was a fully eqipped kitchen 3 bedrooms and a bathroom with huge bath and shower, the main living space was not too big but it was clearly set up for more than one person. considering it was going to be Cas and Dean together for a while he was so glad there was enough room for the both of them to get some space from each other. Because as much as they loved each other they tended to have little strops and wouldnt talk to each other and if they were treading on each others toes...Dean really did not want to face the wrath of an upset angel. Dean diddnt know that cas was currently thinking back to one of his many dreams of the two of them together... them staying here would almost mimick one of them. Cas was suddenly looking forward to every moment he spent with dean.

"OI! idjits, lookie here!" said Bobby as he opened the fridge and retrieved a beer and shook it in the air. "fully stocked i got everything in all ready for you yesterday 3 months of meals for the two of you all sorted, if you want to follow me dean ill show you the armoury." Deans jaw dropped "w-wait, thiis place gets better theres an armoury?!" Dean looked at Cas all wide eyed, like a kid at christmas, he lent in and gave Dean a chaste kiss on the lips, "you go and have a look im going to check out the bathroom if that okay with sam and Haniel." he looked over to wear the other men were and nodded. Sam sighed relived he would finally get to talked to Haniel. 

"you wouold not belive how greatfull i am Haniel, you looked after my brothers love, you bought him back and saved us all in turn. But the thing is i dont know if i trust you, since we left Bobby's you havent said a word and its slightly unnerving, sorry." Haniel focused on sam. "Sam, i find human emotion to be rather bizzar, i am unlike my brother Castiel, he has become acoustomed to your habbit of expressing emotions and small talk. i find it rather stifiling in this vessel and i am still getting used to it. Castiel seems to almost enjoy being in your cars? personally i find themto be very enclosed, too slow and noisy aswell there is no room." sam chuckled, "your telling me, Cas never used to like driving but Dean and the impala have that effect, just as long as your not keeping quiet because your going to go back upststairs and squeel on us." Haniel took sam in, only realising just how ig he was compared to everyone else. Haniel had chosen the easiest vessel he could find a short and skinny white male with hazel eyes and matching hair, nothing spectacular whilst sam was built like brick shed and towered over the shorter angel. " Sam i loved once and yes she was a mortal, that is why i took Castiel into my care, my brothers exiled me to 100 years bound to heaven and untill Castiel asked i haddnt considered coming back down it has been 340 years since ive been down herre alot has changed, but i know love when i see it. i recognised the agony Castiel was in  being seperated from his mate." Sam was shocked he diddnt know what to say, and thankfully he didnt have to, castiel emerged from the bathroom snifing with red eyes. he had been crying. "whats up man?" Castiel sniffled " Uh, nothing, sorry." the angel shuffled to the sofa and sat down turning the televison on so it filled the silence left. Dean came out of the bedroom and sensing his boyfriends unease sat down next to him and draped one hand over his shoulders gripping his arm tight whispering in his ear "I love you baby. Not long now and this place is ours. You wait we got time to make up for."  Castiel didnt have to look at his boyfriend to know he was smiling and he that little twinkle in his green eyes that he got whenever he was thinking about screwing the angel.


	9. Chapter 9

It had been a few hours since Bobby sam and Haneil had left the boys.

"Stop tickling me Dean!" Dean diddnt stop he just carried, ejoying every squirming moment of it. Cas fell off the couch and trook Dean with him. "OWWIE!" exclaimed Cas, wiggling his finger at Dean, he stuck his bottom lip out. "I got and owwie Dean!" Dean chuckled and Cas' eyes lit up "I cant have my angel hurt now can I?" Dean grabbed the finger and kissed the tip, he bagan to lick the soft skin and he sucked it gently. Dean was turning castiel on and he knew it. all the while he was staring intently at Castiel's crystal blue eyes. Once Dean was satisfied with castiel's arousal he let go of the other mans wrist and straddled his boyfriend placing his hands on the mans rock hard chest. "Dean," whined Cas "Got anymore owwies?" Dean raised an eyebrow as he watched the expression on Cas' face change from flustered and mildly turned on to one of gret anticipation of primal lust. He felt Cas get hard beneath him. "I can think of a few" said Cas in his gruff sex voice. "Oh baby, you know I love it when you think dirty, now i know this-" and Dean wriggled, wich made Cas hiss through his teeth. "Has got to be sore all trapped in your pants. You're so big. So i say we go to the bedroom and i can kiss it beter."

As Dean shifted Cas pulled him back down and tugged on his waistband, lowering Deans Jeans slightly. "No,here" That was not a question and dean knew what was happening. Hastily he removed his shirt, exposing his golden torso and anti-possesion tattoo. Cas had unbuckled his jeans and whipped them to his ankles. Dean shimmied out of them and removed his boyfriends clothes in similar haste. 

Both men stood in front of each other Buck naked, and in a primal growl they threw themselves at each other landing on the floor in a tangle of limbs, this is what they needed, a good hard fuck.the men kept on rolling around on the floor fighting for dominance whilst smashing thier lips together their tongues dancing in each others mouths, Castiel mounted Dean and sat up, his hard dick resting on top of his boyfriend's. as Dean tried to sit up Cas pushed him back down to the ground. "Dean, I'm going to fuck you, i want to fuck you up against the walls, in the kitchen, in the bath, i want you anyway i can get you, but right now i need you to bend over the couch.NOW!" He lent down and gripped his boyfriend's arms, his hand lying over the still visible scar he left from years ago when he saved Dean from hell. 

They were kissing again the fiery Passion coursed through their veins. they stumble back to the couch and Cas bent dean over the armrest. For a being with a grace, there was none in his actions. Dean gave himself wholly to Cas and Cas to him, but this was Cas' time to shine. It was not often Dean was on receiving end. 

The angel spat on his index and middle fingers and began to lubricate Dean's puckered skin, it softened at Castiel's touch and a moan rippled from Dean's lips as he pushed his two fingers inside and applied pressure to his prostate. "CAS!" shouted Dean and the angel rammed his thick cock in Dean's sensitive anus. 

Castiel began slowly, gently letting the muscles get used to the intrusion. Before too long Dean was begging for more, his cock slick with precome, Cas did asked asked and began ramming into Dean, hard and fast. Occasionally he would lean down and drag his hands through his hair ot bite into his shoulders. Their new home was filled with the sounds of Cas's balls slapping Dean and Dean's dick slapping the couch, that and both men calling out in sheer Ecstasy. Dean suddenly let go of the couch with one hands to reach down and grasp his boyfriends balls. He played with them, rolling them in his fingers knowing it would make Cas come even harder.

Cas didn't let up he still rammed into Dean with an unrelenting pace but he put one hand on his shoulder and the other found his thick throbbing cock, he was seconds away. "Cas, feathers! oh my god Cassssss" hissed Dean "Its alright baby i got you." whispered Cas as he pulled out "Hold on tight, I'm going to make you see the stars like never before." And Cas shoved his pulsing penis into Deans back passage with such speed and force. Dean cried out hot semen spurting out onto Cas' hand and the couch. The noises of pleasured pain was enough to send cas over the edge and he came in Dean's tight little Ass filling it so much that when he pulled out it dribbled out and fell to the floor. 

spent, both men fell onto the couch breathing heavily, " feel better now feathers?" Dean chuckled and cas got up dragging Dean to his feet. "AGAIN!?" asked Dean shocked. It was Castiel's turn t5o laugh, and it was a rip roaring laugh that had Cas bent over cluthching his stomach. "No baby your safe for a while, dont worry i just think we should get clean." And with that they retreated to the bathroom and shared a shower.


	10. Chapter 10

the boys had spent the past two days all over each other, they had been apart for so long, they were cherishing every second they spent in each others company. It was a surprise that they fell into a routine so fast. Get up , breakfast, shower, inventory then on the sofa for the rest of the day, occasionally  getting up to eat or go on the computer.

when the phone rang at six that evening, the couple almost jumped out of their skin. Dean was in the bedroom  habitually cleaning guns whilst Cas was in the kitchen planing house husband doing the dishes and preparing their dinner. the boys didn't even realise there was a land line. at first they both ran to it and stared until it rung off deciding if it was an important call whoever it was would ring it back. two minutes later it rung again and Dean put it on speaker. "Dean? Cas? ya idjits, its me Bobby!" they both audibly sighed, "thank God for that," Said Dean, relived. "who d'a think it would be... the bogyman, look numnuts I'm the only one with this number and yes its safe!"  Dean didn't say a word, he left it to cas to ask the question that was lingering on his lips. "So, whats happening?" Bobby diddnt reply straight away, there was silence on both ends. Just as Dean was about to say something a disembodied voice came through the reciever. "Dean?... i need you to go into a room wear you cannot hear this conversation, you need to trust Castiel, i need to speak to him alone." when the voice on the other end did not hear Dean shuffling away he simpy asked castiel, "Castiel, it is of the up most importance i need to speak to you alone." 

Cas turned his piercing blue eyes on Dean, "Dean, please, trust me if you need to know i will tell you, Haniel says its important." Dean huffed and walked away to the bedroom, he did trust Cas it was just the other angel he didnt trust, almost all angels are corrupt, even Cas has the abilty to turn, he proved that by working with crowley. Just because he didnt squeel on Cas whilst they were in heaven. And this whole, the only way to save Cas is to surrender his grace... that is utter BULLSHIT!!! there was another way, even if it meant that he wore six different protection charms and they spent most of the time holed away underground in this makeshift house. 

Dean had just began dozing off, and was slumped against the headboard when cas materialized next to him, with his hair ruffled and his tie hanging limp around his neck. Cas' presence ws enough to wake Dean, he sat up straight and blinked back sleep taking in Cas' disheveld state, he opened his mouth to ask if he was okay, what had Haniel said that had caused him to be so upset. But before he got a chance Cas was on him like a rash. He straddled Deans lap and began kissing his boyfriends lips feverently. Gently sucking on Dean's bottom lip, gradually getting harder till he made it go blue, Cas was running his hands through Deans hair, grinding on Deans growing erection, but before it went any furter Dean leant back and pushed Cas away, " No, tell me what he said first, we cant be doing this when your not in the right frame of mind." Cas just wined and wriggled his way out of Dean's grasp. Tearing at his collar exposing Dean's bronzed flesh, Cas latched on and began kissing softly gently sucking on the skin leaving a purple love bite behind, Dean knew better than to stop cas, but he was shocked when the man so eager a moment ago began sobbing into his neck. 

Dean was speechless, it had been such a long time since Cas had sobbed like this, it was not often that the angel felt such deep level of human emotion. Dean did the only thing he knew and soothed the man, stroking his hair, rubbing his back and occasionally promising him things would be okay. But the more he soothed Cas the more the fear in the pit of his stomach grew. There was no way he was going to sleep tonight, he thought . 

Eventually Cas fell asleep however he was still occasionally sobbing in his sleep, Dean roled Cas off of him and onto his back so he could undress him, he took his time, it wasn't often that Dean really got to take in Castiel's body. Dean didnt really like to like cas's body, bcause of it being Jimmys, even if it wasnt any more he still found it strange, but Dean did enjoy it, he enjoyed looking at his sinewy muscles, he loved the way his treasure trail was so obvious. Dean un-buckled Cas' pants and shimmied them down his legs, Cas stirred. Dean went still, Cas went back to his fitfull sleep.


	11. Chapter 11

The small screen was the only thing that lit up the living room. Dean sat hunched over a tear sliding down his face, a cold beer on the floor by his feet. he sat there shaking only in his pants, he was not shaking from  the lack of clothes to warm him, he had just woke from a nightmare. a very unpleasant one at that. Dean was holding his mobile in his hand hovering over the call button for Sam, he is so close to ringing him and sobbing down the phone, telling Sam that he is afraid, Dean Winchester is afraid, afraid of the future he is so madly in love that he cannot think about the future without wanting to cry. Dean had lost him once, he would not loose him again. Fair enough Cas was pretty much human, he rarly used any of his angel mojo. Dean was not with him because he was an angel, as far as he was concerned angels are a bag of dicks, but Cas well he was something entirely different. 

Dean understood that Cas loosing his grace was a better alternative to Castiel's...death but without his grace Cas would not be able to remember who he was let alone who Dean was and Dean could not bear to witness that, Castiel was the only thing that kept him stable. The man began to sob again twars flowing down his face. He remembered all those days and nights that blurred into one boozy haze. Dean spent his time locked away in his room he refused to get up and do anything he simply laid in bed drinking day in and day out the only thoughts he could think of were ones of Cas and it was ruining him. Those days were always at the back of his mind. Bobby was the one to get Dean to snap out of it. he forced Dean to work in the garage outback. Dean had to get up every morning at ten AM and work till six PM everyday until he could prove that he didn't need to work to maintain a regular life. It took 3 months, before Dean was allowed to hunt again and even then it was only small insignificant cases ones where they didn't need to spend days on location. They went in Iced whoever or whatever and drove back to Bobby's. 

Dean could hear movements from the other room knowing it would be Cas headed to the bathroom he got up and shuffled over to the kitchen and hid behind the fridge door whilst he got rid of any evidence of him crying. only once he heard the bathroom door close did he close the fridge door. the only way Dean was going to chase away his nightmare was with a good stiff whisky and thank Bobby he had actually stocked some along with some fancy wine and a champagne he had never heard of. Pouring the dark amber liquid into his tumbler he downed the whole lot, and poured himself another. he went to put the alchol away and as he stood up arm reached around his waist and began to sway him. Dean sucked in a breath realising it was Cas trying to take him back to bed. "Whats wrong?" enquired Cas sleepily. Dean hesitated. "Oh nothing, just couldn't sleep." The angel chuckled and tightened his grip on the Man, "Well come back to bed and we can make sure you fall asleep this time." Cas lent in close to Dean's neck and nipped at his ear placing a gentle kiss in between his shoulder blades.


	12. Chapter 12

It was the afternoon well at least as far as the clocks were concerned they all said it was quarter past 1 in the afternoon, and Dean was sat on the couch in his boxer shorts and Cas was in the kitchen making some coffee in similar attire. the boys were not really talking, they both understood that they were hiding something from each other.

Cas was the first to break. "Dean? I uh think we need to talk... about last night. i knew you were crying Dean and i dont know why you wont tell me what happened. and i found your phone on the floor you had Sams contact up... did you ring him?" Cas' face remained calm  but Dean saw the fear in his eyes. Dean immediately thought the worst that phone call must have been Haniel telling him that the 'other' option was a no go and Cas only had a limited time left before the angels came and got him. Dean sighed, not knowing what to say. "Look im not the one hiding things, i had a nightmare and i came out to get some whisky, i wanted to talk to my brother. i know its only been a week but i miss him Cas. No he didnt ring nor did i ring him. so what if i cried, i cant bear to loose you , not ever, I did that once and almost lost my mind, i cannot live without you Cas i have no reason to live without you..." It all came out, Dean had nothing else to say, Cas was the only one who had to say anything now. Bt the angel wassnt saying a word he was just sat the solid as stone. "Cas?" Dean edged towards him, "CAS, FOR FUCKS SAKE ANSWER ME! i just bared my soul to you and just like old times you want to run away.. well guess what. you cant now were trapped here. this is all real Cas. I need you to understand otherwise things will end badly for us both." that was enogh to push Cas over the edge. " Dean i know more than you will ever know how real this is the reason i used to run away was because of this very reason. i never wanted you to become dependant on me Dean i didnt realise just how much i ment to you and that scares me I'm so sorry Dean." 

Dean knew Cas was afraid but he needed to know what Haniel had told Cas that made him break down the way he did. "Cas i love you and i always will love you forever and always but i need to know what Haniel told you... please, the way you touched me was like.. well id never touched you before, you were a compleatly different man, I have never seen you act like that before, it scared me Cas."  Dean's voice broke, and Castiel's eyes shot up from the ground to look Dean in the face. "You really need to know dont you...even though i never asked when you came to bed that night in tears and sang me to sleep." Dean was hurt, "Yes Cas i do need to know! i'll tell you if you want to know but only if you tell me about the fucking phone call." they both sighed. " well the thing is..." Started Cas. "Hanel old me some facts about how desperate Heaven is to see me suffer.. i have never known my brothers to be so vengeful." He paused and Dean jumped in. "Cas.. really? after all these months of them chasing you and you hiding, you still thnk of them so highly, the are the most vengeful and spiteful fucking bastards i've ever come across, i would rather have a fucking tea party with crowley than see any of those angels again." At the mention of Crowley Cas sucked in a breath remembering Dean's Face as he realised Cas was working with him pained him. " Thats beside the point Dean, what got to me was that Haniel had an alternative option...." Neither man said anything, Cas' breaths were ragged, he was sobbing again and Dean immediately moved over to him putting his arms around him soothing him untill he could breath properly again. " Look baby, i know exactly what he said to you-" Cas tried to interrupt but Dean continued. "The night i sang you to sleep was the night Haniel took me to one side and proposed that he take your grace and offer it to your brothers instead of them taking it directly from you. Now i understand why it broke you, it broke me too. we both know the risks of having your grace removed." It was Dean's turn to cry now and Cas still raw from his earlier bout of tears stared up again. The men were holding each other in their arms shaking and sobbing. It was the only noise in the house and it continued on untill, exhausted, they fell asleep in the same position on the middle of the sofa, eventually sliding down into a more comfortable position. 

whatever they were going to do with Cas' grace could wait untill tomorrow.


	13. Chapter 13

The morning came all too quick for the couple, neither of them slept very well through the night, at one point they had managed to stay awake long enough to utter a few soothing words to each other and move from the living room to the bedroom. 

Cas was the first to wake up in the morning, he didn't need to check the clock like Deans so often does, the Angel in him just knew. he wondered what it would be like to be human. he presumed it would feel like he was drowning, one of the few things he did not understand about humanity was that they seemed to accept their fate. The few who didn't were deemed mentally unstable that or they killed themselves. Cas was afraid of that and the fact that if he lost his grace there was a very high chance he would forget Dean and run away never to know who the love of his life is. That was what broke him the fact that he could loose Dean, he by no means could loose Dean, so what Dean technically corrupt him but isn't that what people so often do. Do any thing for love they say, Cas thought. 

Dean stirred and rubbed his eyes, the younger man shifted and subconsciously began searching for his boyfriend, his long lean arms stretching out beside him searching for the angels presence.his long rough skin on his fingers warmed as he found Castiel's outstretched hand. He grabbed it firmly and rolled over opening his sleepy eyes to stare into castiel's beautiful blue eyes. The colour of Cas's eyes reminded him of a bright sunny day in Lawrence the day after a storm, with the Sky bright and cloudless. 

"your eyes are beautiful, Cas. Do i tell you that? they are miraculous its almost like i can see your soul, not your..... well uh you get what i mean." Cas was slightly taken aback Dean rarely told cas things like that he tell cas how much he appreciated the way his vessel looks and it makes Cas feel all warm and fuzzy, a human emotion he still doesn't really understand, but Dean doesn't normally go so far he does not risk exposing how he really feels. Cas suddenly throws himself at the hunter, wrapping his arms around the confused man, tears begin to tumble down Cas' face and Dean swiftly gets rid of them with a gently swipe of his pinkie finger. the couple fervently kiss both men trembling. they cannot get enough of each other. they are simply wrapped in each others arm with the quilt discarded halfway down the bed. this was not romantic, ther was no ulterior motive behind their actions. this was not pity sex, sorry sex, i miss you sex, i want something sex, there's bad news sex, not even sleepy sex. This was thier way of expressing just how much they really meant to one another, showing they could not live without eachother. 

lucky for them neither man really wore much to bed that night preferring to just strip of all clothes but underwear, so removing clothes was simple. Dean backed away from Cas slightly but still held one of the angels hands,never letting go. Both men shimmied out of their boxers at the same time and resumed the bump and grind they were at before. this time Dean moved on hand into Cas' hair and began massaging the scalp whilst he raised his index and middle fingers on his opposite hand to his mouth and spat on them. Cas sucked in a deep breath he knew what was coming next, Dean started witih his index finger then hfinding Cas ready and willing he slid in his middle finger and he began pressing on Cas's prostate, making Cas whin. "shh, baby." Dean cooed. "I know exactly what you need-" he hesitated for a moment as he removed his fingers and lined up his  hard penis, "im the only one baby, i know how to look after you-" Dean slid in with ease and gripped Cas' hips pulling him properly onto him. Cas began bouncing slowly, more like bobbing. it was painfully slow for the both of them. Dean kept muttering into Cas' shoulders whilst Cas stuck his nose in Dean's hair smelling the most wondrous scent that he had ever smelt, Dean's individual scent.

After about a half hour Cas suddenly stopped. "Dean, i have such a small grasp on human emotion i have spent around about 5 years as your... with you as my charge, you know i have watched humanity befor but over this time one thing i think i understand is love, and as long as my judgement is correct, Dean Winchester, son of Mary and John Winchester, brother to Samuel winchester, and boyfriend to me Castiel Novak. hunter of all things supernatural. i love you," he whispered, "i love you. I LOVE YOU DEAN! "Cas shouted and Dean smiled so much he thought his face would split, "I LOVE YOU TOO FEATHERS, " Dean called Cas by the nickname he had coined when they had first stared to work together.  

The confession spurred things on a bit and they couple picked up pace both coming close to climax Cas begged Dean to touch him so Dean grabbed a hold of Cas' twitching cock and began to pump it gently whilst not so gently pounding into Cas' ass. cas was shouting at the top of his lungs with every bounce, " I LOVE YOU DEAN, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU DEAN," until he reached the point of climax and it came out almost like a strangled whisper, "I..l-ughhhh, youuu"  seeing Cas come apart. quite literally. made Dean come  inside Cas but instead of saying the words i love you Cas, he just shouted, "MARRY ME! " and Cas in a post orgasmic glow whispered in Dean's ear,  "yes! " 

The boys didn't get up until a while later, when the washing machine began to beep telling them that there bed sheets were come free. they sripped the bed grabed a quick shower togeher and then fell back into bed wrapped in each others arms.

The clock on the television said it was two o'clock, Bobby was, according to Cas, going to ring at half past. They had a half hour to finally decide where they were headed. Both men were sat on the sofa, Cas on one end with a cup of tea and Dean was on the other end with coffee. they sat so their feet were tangled together and they faced each other. 

Both of them were quietly content, Dean had popped the question by accident but he didn't regret it, Cas had agreed to marry Dean and he didnt regret it. they both knew what was going to happen and they had basically promised to stand by one another no matter the outcome. 

when the phone rang Dean calmly stood up put his empty cup down and picked up the phone. 

"Dean?" asked Bobby Dean looked at Cas and he nodded, "Its both of us bobby your on speaker, cas is next to me." there was an audible sigh in the back round and as and Dean chuckled, "It seems we are too, Hi! Sammy, I'm missing you. Hello Haniel." Said Cas. Dean reached out for Cas' hand and he squeezed it. "Uh, well i don't really know if this is even going to come out right..." Dean hesitated and they could hear whispers on the other end of the line, same was the one to speak up. "well that's worrying.. you haven't broke Cas or something like that have you Dean?" Cas began laughing, a proper laugh one that left him clutching his stomach by the time he finished, "quite the opposite Sam." Bobby's gruff voice came through the receiver, "Care to explain boys i'm getting confused we are meant to be talking about what we are going to do about the impending doom and you idjits are being all gigly and secretive!" Dean stared into Cas' eyes as he said to his family and the other angel, "the thing is, I asked Cas to marry me and he agreed. so, you can take it as a unanimous agreement Haniel will be the one to remove Castiels' grace." 

There was silence.

Then Sam spoke up, " You better have done all nice and romantic Dean or i will come and kick your ass!" cas winked at Dean, "Sam, you do not want to know how Dean proposed, just know this he is more red than a beetroot right now. Surprisingly Bobby was the first to get it, god only knows if Haniel understood, and bobby just said, "Guys I support you and all but please leave me out of your sex life." everyone was laughing, it was a joyous noise, it was what everyone needed.


	14. Chapter 14

It had been two days since the phone call and Bobby, Sam and haniel were on their way. 

"Dean, stop worrying your lip your going to make it bleed!" dean chuckled dryly, "you do realise you are doing exactly the same thing." Cas had not realised he was biting his lips until Dean mentioned it, he went bright red. Cas bowed his head to try and hide his reddening face but continued to watch Dean from beneath his long full eyelashes. Dean was leaning against the kitchen counter with his butt sticking out getting in the way. all of a sudden Cas was overwhelmed with the urge to take Dean right there whilst they were both smiling and happy. it was exactly what he was going to do. 

 Cas stealthily prowled towards Dean so as when Cas wrapped his hands around dean, pressing his slender fingers into his hips dean immediately jumps then settles into the familiar curves of his boyfriend. Cas was waisting no time at all, he began fiddling with the clasp of Dean's jeans, and dean stood still allowing Cas access to his member, however he whispered "Cas, the others will be here soon." this was not Dean saying no to Cas but he was saying make it quick. Cas growled in Deans ear as a response, "Dean i will have you any way i want and i will take as long as i want-" a lump formed in Deans throat and his pants just got a bit tighter, he loved it when Cas got forceful with him, a possessive hand grabbed a hold of his junk and snapped him back into reality, Cas was palming his semi through his boxers. the friction caused by the thin fabric and Cas possessively calling him names in his ear made him a hot mess, Dean could only mutter two words, "fuck me!!" and Cas ripped Deans boxers off parted his butt cheeks and lined up his cock. Dean didn't even realise Cas had prepared himself, that was the effect of Cas, sheer ecstasy , enough to make a man loose his mind. 

Dean was only vaguely aware of the pounding feeling in his rear he was away with the fairies. Cas however was fully aware of the situation, he was slowly thrusting into Dean whilst his hands roamed his partners toned body occasionally when Cas felt close to breaking point he would bite down on Deans neck or drag his nails down his chest, Cas was marking Dean as his, so both of them wouldn't forget. 

without warning, Dean had seemed to snap back into reality, dean grabbed hold of one of Cas' wrists and moved it down to his twitching dick and, he had begun thrusting at his own pace. Cas soon put an end to that though by pressing Dean into the counter and fucking him the hardest he ever had. Dean wouldn't be able to sit down for a while, and at that Cas began to chuckle, he fucked dean hard from behind at kept teasing his cock at the same time, speeding up and slowing down. 

Dean began to shudder and moan, Cas was pounding into his prostate whilst stroking his cock, the man was coming apart at the seems his moans were loud an unintelligible. Cas was enjoying this too much for his own good. in the heat of the moment just as Dean was about the come, Dean threw his head back the let out a feral noise that ripped its way up from his chest out of his perfectly pink lips, and cas dipped down placing a tender kiss on the skin on Dean's collar bone, Cas sucked and sucked with all his might as he came inside dean, and Dean came in time with cas panting still murmuring unintelligible curses. only once they had both come and regained a bit of thier composure did Cas remove his mouth from his boyfriend's colar bone, leaving behind a blossoming love bite. 

"fuck Cas, i love you man!" Both men chuckled , however realisation dawned on them that they were in fact expecting guests and neither of them wherein a presentable state, they smelt of sex and Deans come was beginning to dry on the kitchen floor, and cabinet! "Dean, go change ill clear up" Cas left no room for argument, however frustrating it was when Cas go all bossy, it was a massive turn on for Dean and he shuffled off to the bathroom. 

once he got in there he turned on the shower and stared in the mirror, the bathroom was simple but warm.The walls were made of granite tiles, but a kind of golden colour so as Dean stood in front of the mirror he looked like a bronzed Greek god! that and every mark Cas had left on dean stood out like a sore thumb. there were vertical scratches down his chest and bite marks all over his neck, the more Dean noticed, the more they began to tingle. He brushed his hands over his hips noticing the tiny welts left from Cas's  nails, he winced, there would defiantly be bruising. 

Dean hopped in the shower hoping to soothe his already aching muscles, it worked up until he sat on the bed. he was rather uncomfortable, there was a dull ache that was hard to ignore, Cas really left his mark. Dean knew why, all this would last days, it was Cas' little insurance policy that once he was human Dean wouldn't leave him because if he remembered that he was a good lay then he would stick around. oh how he was wrong, Dean loved Cas for his soul not his grace. Dean loved the twinkle Cas had in his eyes every time he looked at Dean, he loved the way Cas was so completely selfless in what he did. the way that he still didn't get some of the pop culture references dean made.  Dean loved every fiber of Castiel, not what he could do with his cock, that was just an added bonus. 

wistfully Dean got dressed remembering when him and Cas first had sex, it was sloppy and painstaking short neither man really knew what they were doing and both of them were blind drunk. Dean was so caught up in his daydream he hadn't heard the rest of his family come into the "house"


	15. Chapter 15

Dean had opted for a plain black Vneck, it was the only top that felt comfortable. That and it just happened to Cas' favourite top. He was wearing HIS favourite blue jeans simply because they didn't cling to his butt as much as the others. 

He stepped out of the bedroom feeling like he could take on the world, singing living on a prayer to himself he pranced towards the living room. when he got to the door way he stopped dead in his tracks. Everyone was staring at him, grinning like Cheshire cats. Cas was the first to speak, "Dean Winchester everybody!" and he threw his arm out towards Dean. Dean began to blush and everyone erupted into raucous laughter. 

Cas he cleaned up, made a new pot of coffee, Cas had always mysteriously made excellent coffee, and had changed into tan slacks with a blue cotton shirt with half the buttons undone  exposing his shimmering chest. 

Once everyone had sat down Sam, Bobby and Haniel on the couch, and Cas on the Armchair with Dean perching on the arm rest. Everyone had a brew in hand and were just chatting away catching up with each other. even though it had only been about two weeks since they had separated. Any tension that was present began to ebb away, no  thanks to Haniel. 

Dean was so caught up in chatting to Bobby about a football game that he hadn't noticed Sam staring. The two angels and Sam had stopped talking and Cas just looked at Dean with a deceptive proud grin on his face, as he waited for Dean to finish. 

"Dean?" Dean looked towards Sam, "Yes Sammy?" Dean was getting confused. Why was everyone quiet, what was so important? "uh,-" Sam stifled a chuckle, "whats that on your neck?"  Dean hand shot up top his neck and he went a violent shade of scarlet, "Umumumum,2 was about as much as Dean could semi-coherently murmmer. He was so caught up in his daydreams that he had totally forgotten about having company and how they might see the marks Cas had left on him only minutes ago. 

Cas was in stitches by this point, it made Deans heart swell. so in return he just pouted and looked at his fiancee, "Your no help!" Cas knew Dean was joking but he playfully pushed Dean and he toppled from his perch, but by the time he reached the floor he landed in Cas' lap with a wince. Cas bent down as if to Kiss Dean but  possessively whispered in his ear instead. "my little lap dog!" 

Dean's dick twitched and he blushed even more, Cas quickly kissed him, making it even harder for Dean to control the growing erection. He would make Cas pay for this. And that was exactly that, he crashed down to earth from cloud nine. This wasn't just a family gathering, Cas still had to have his grace removed. 

Sam cleared his throat, this time Cas flushed pink. They sat back on the chair. Dean looked at Cas and said very proudly, "Its a good job I'm marrying you!" He knew he just made Cas feel a million times  better. Cas was simply acting out because he was nervous, this was not an act he genuinely felt like that towards Dean but he was only making it so obvious because he was afraid of Dean leaving.


	16. Chapter 16

It had been about 3 hours, all the men had done was sat around laughing joking as if nothing was happening. but the more time they spent pretending nothing was happening the more angsty Cas got. Dean offered to make his trademark burgers for tea and everyone wanted them. However currently Cas didn't think he could stomach anything.

Dean as pottering about in the kitchen making the burgers, chopping onions and making salad when Cas got nauseous, he pushed it to one side and just presumed it was nerves. He was an angel, he didn't get sick. Oh boy was he wrong, the smells had begun to drift over to the guys and Bobby commented on how good they smelt. That was it. Cas decided the three men beside him were too busy to watching the television, they wouldn't notice as he fled. Fortunately Dean was keeping an eye on him, and quick as a shot he jumped over the kitchen counter and ran down the hall. He got the door of the bathroom just as Cas emptied his guts. unceremoniously Dean kicked the door in, finding Cas in a right state. the angel was curled in the foetal position clutching at his stomach bawling his eyes out. Ugly sobs ripped out of Cas' chest.

Den fell to the floor and pulled Cas up into his arms. Cas was all arms and legs he had no strength. Dean put his head in Cas hair inhaling the heavenly scent that is Cas. he kept repeating soothing words, ensuring him that everything was going to be okay. after a while Cas' breath seemed to even out and he managed to stop sobbing, however he did occasionally hiccup and tears were still flowing freely. Dean decided that for the best place for Cas would be bed, he really was not in any fit state to be outside of the bedroom he needed to settle down and talk to Dean, but Dean had to finish cooking Tea and tell the others what happened and that he couldn't keep them company for a while.

Lucky for him Sam was waiting outside the bathroom door, so as Dean emerged with a limp weeping Cas in his arms Sam just nodded and told him he could explain and that he wasn't to worry about the food they could sort it out abit later.

Dean layed Cas down and efficiently stripped him down to his boxers, he did the same to his clothes and curled in behind him. Cas whined and snuggled in closer. Dean tangled his legs in between Cas'. "Cas? what's up man? Its not like you to get sick.. is this some kind of angels disease?" Dean mentally cursed himself angels didn't get diseases Cas had reminded him of that fact many times now. Cas didn't respond, all he did was sob silently. Deep down Dean knew exactly what was eating away at Cas but he just wanted him to say it. knowing he wasn't going to get a single word out of Cas until his mood changed Dean decided to make an executive decision.  

Rolling Cas onto his back the larger man straddled him and began peppering kisses all over his torso. Dean looked into Cas' eyes the whole time and recognized the carnal longing that sparkled in his marine blue eyes. Once dean had sufficiently aroused Cas, he sat back gently rocking on his hips. "Cas you know i love you right?" It took Cas a moment to suppress his urges to fuck his fiancee right into next week. but his reply lacked any real emotion he just simply nodded. So, Dean stopped with the thrusting and just sat, slumped his shoulders and looked as wounded as possible. Of coarse Dean knew that Cas knew he loved him and he also knew that Cas loved him but to get any wear he was going to need Castiel to actually open his angelic mouth and utter a few simple words. Dean squeezed Cas' legs with his own. "y-yes, Dean-" Cas muttered meekly. Dean rewarded Cas' little confession by continuing with the rocking of his hips, he also began seductively peppering kisses all over Cas' torso. Cas ran his hands through Dean's hair occasionally tugging. If they were not  careful they would end up getting distracted which would be both a good and a bad thing. At least Cas would feel better after, unfortunately they would be no closer to Cas admitting what the prolem is. 

Eventually Dean lent back breathing heavily and asked another question. Why are you sick Cas? Again Cas shrugged and Dean shuffled back slightly. Cas sighed and gave in, "m'not. It's this." And he gestured around the room. Dean was pleased Cas was finally opening up but it was hardly descriptive. So staying wear he was Dean raised his eyebrows, "Care to explain with a little more detail man. you could just not like the decoration but i doubt that, i think i'd know by know." That made Cas crack a smile, Dean was referring to the many motels Cas refused to stay in because the awful wallpaper made him feel sick. 

Looking away, scratching the side of his head as if he was ashamed of the words about to leave his lips. Cas told Dean what was wrong. "Dean i am not sick. i was sick. I cried. There is nothing wrong with me... I just was overwhelmed.  i do not want Haniel to remove my grace Dean. Cas hesitated before carrying on, "To remove my grace is to take my wings Dean, No more angel mojo, I cant heal you after a hunt. I cant magic us into a field in the middle of nowear, Dean without my grace there will be so much of me missing. I may not remember the time we finished a hunt and gave each other back rubs or the days we spent together doing simply nothing, or that time i sta and watched cartoons with you for three hours non stop. Dean i'm scared i'll forget you and run away." Cas was becoming hysterical, but the next bit he whispered. " Or you will stop loving me."

Finally! Dean let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and laughed. "Finally!" Cas was not amused, "Dean i just told you what was wrong and your laughing at me. Realizing that's Cas was most likely hurt by his innocent gesture.  "look feathers, i knew all along what was on your mind. From the moment you did this-" And he gestured to his body. " I knew what was wrong Cas, okay i didn't think it would get this bad but I'm not in love with your grace sil-Cas i'm in love with the way your eyes sparkle. your always there for me when i need you, You are my angel wings or no and i am your hunter, your protector. I want to marry you! I'm serious about that it wasnt just one of those in the heat of the moment ive wanted to ask you since before you left but i never got the chance." 

Cas looked dumbfounded. "Before you Cas i was only ever committed to one person and that was lisa and even then it was more for Ben's sake. I refuse to be like my father. But you cas are different. We have been through so much, I've only just got you back, i am not letting you go now." 

A single tear slid down Dean's nose and landed in Cas' belly button, without realizing it Dean had shuffled forwards. Cas silently weeped. Dean hastily grabbed Cas' hands and pushed them up above his head and kissing him with every ounce of energy left in his body. Their kisses tasted salty as they caught the tears. 

All of a sudden Dean pulled Cas to his feet and twirled him around dropping to his knees. Cas though Dean was going to blow him but with a stupid Grin on his face Dean wriggled the ring that was permanently fixed to his right hand off and held it up to Cas. "This is a promise, I'm promising to stay by your side untill we die and even after that. Castiel i will never leave you and i will never stop loving you. I'm going to marry you and the whole world can go fuck itself because i love you!" Cas resumed weeping and he pulled Dean up and swept him into a hug. He had never felt so joyful in his entire life. 

unbeknownst to them Sam had heard it all, and a few tears escaped his eyes. His brother had finally found someone to settle down with.


	17. Chapter 17

Sam lumbered back to the living room and just nodded in the direction of the bedroom  "you might want to give them a few." Bobby chuckled and focused back on the television. 

they were watching re-runs of Doctor Sexy MD. When Cas and Dean walked back into the living room hand in hand,. Everyone knew what had happened and they just nodded at each other. Cas caught what was on the TV and he elbowed Dean in the rib's, pointing towards it. Dean blushes. There was this one time Dean had had a rough hunt and he got wasted afterwards. Cas had come to see him only to find an intoxicated Dean splayed out on the bed watching his favourite show. Dean had raised his hand in a half hearted hello then proclaimed, "He is called doctor sexy for a reason, 'cos he is!" Not long after that he had passed out. it was an experience that Dean wished he could forget but conveniently Cas never did. 

"Anybody up for burgers me and Cas are cooking?" bobby shouted to Dean, "'Bout time boy, my stomach is starting to think my throat has been cut." Cas flinched, he didn't think Dean had noticed but he was reassured by the warm hand that placed itself at the small of his back. Cas being just shorter than Dean was able to lean back and place his head just under Deans chin and Dean lent over and kissed Cas' forehead. "coming up!" Dean chirped as he dragged Cas into the kitchen giving him a few instructions on how to prepare the vegetables. Surprisingly Cas completed the tasks Dean had given him in just a few minutes Dean had only just put the burgers under the grill. 

"Dinner was lovely thank you Dean." Said Haniel once everyone had cleared away after they eat. "My burgers are the best aren't they Cas?"  Cas meekly smiled and nodded i agreement. 

Once they had cleared up the mess from diner and Sat back down again with a brew, things began to get awkward only Cas and Haniel really knew what Grace removal entailed, their rest of the men just knew it wouldn't be pleasant for Cas. so, Bobby started the painstaking process of getting Haniel and Cas to explain what was going to happen. 

"Uh, I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one that is thinking this but i sure would appreciate knowing what about to happen so i can be prepared if anything goes wrong." Sam and Dean breathed an audible sigh of relief, Bobby just sent them both sideways glances. Chickens he thought.  "Well-" Began Cas hesitantly, "you remember Anna, don't you?" He looked around the table for confirmations. they all nodded one at a time as Cas' cool gaze landed on them. "She removed her own grace then re-absorbed it  when that bright light with the blue-ish hue was her grace, each grace looks like a different colour depending on if they have fallen or not and if their intentions are pure however to celestial beings like myself they look completely different to how you, humans, would see them. But none the less for Haniel to remove my grace he needs to open one of the main arteries, normally the neck, and he needs to summon my grace and capture it, because without my grace kept safe be it kept within a container or the earth, i could die, my spirit could be cast out of this vessel even though the original host is Dead." there was silence No one had any thing to say. surprisingly the other angel Cleared his throat. Luckily for us Dean already carries part of Castiel's Grace with him so their are more chances of Cas' survival, That and as insurance that the other angel's do not destroy his Grace whilst i was up there i bargained with them and i will be keeping half of Cas' grace, however i am not o give it back to him. i have yet to decide on my opinion on that." Dean's Jaw fell open he didn't know what to say Haniel had surprised him, he was not too sure about the whole not giving it back bit but why would he want to keep half the grace unless he intended to give it back to Cas. Angels were weird thing. Before anyone could say anything though Haniel continued. "Grace removals are not easy to perform, they often leave the angel with no memory o0f who they are, it will drive them crazy if you leave certain parts of their grace behind, because with the grace comes the memory of owning the grace. However what i will do with Cas in put his memories in a safe spot so when i remove his grace he will still know who he is wear his is and every thing like that. He will be disorientated for a few days and he will need a few days to recover in which i suggest you spend as much time with him stimulating him as possible that way he is more likely to go searching for his memories." Again silence, but it wasn't long before Dean piped up with, "you mean your going to take Cas' memories and put them in a box and hide them?" Cas chuckled at that. "No silly metaphorically, and-" now addressing Haniel's, "Thanks for doing that it really makes me feel more at ease about it." 

Before too long the topic of conversation shifted from what it entails to actually when they would do it because as Cas had demonstrated earlier he really didn't like waiting around. "to be honest i would much rather say when, i feel sick enough as it is and i do not like this feeling. i wish for it to be over so im going to go to the bedroom so Bobby, Haniel and Sam can ready the spell whilst Dean comes with me, knock when your ready." Said Cas meekly but matter of factly. 

The two walked away and left the other three to sort out what needed to be done. "Cas,-" Dean began. "Don't Dean this needs to be done, I'm ready now i know you won't leave me i love you and i want to be able to be with you for... well, forever." Dean was speechless. He simply swept Cas up into a hug. "It'll be over soon."  whispered Dean.


	18. Chapter 18

*Nock Nock* 

Everyone was ready. Cas was about to become human. 

Dean opened the door. 

Sam came in first.

Bobby next. 

Haniel last. 

Haniel carried with him a small bowl and a vial. The bowl had a few rare herbs and bones. 

Cas took a deep breath preparing himself for the ordeal he was about to face. For him it felt like everything was slowed down. 

Dean sat beside him and reached out for Cas' hand. 

Cas obliged. 

Bobby and Sam exchanged looks. Haniel nodded and lit the contents of the bowl. 

He began to chant.

Cas' vision began to blur.

He was aware of only the strong calloused hand holding his.

Haniel approached him and Dean squeezed tighter. 

Haniel took out an angel blade. 

Castiel's angel blade.

He took hold of Castiel's spare hand.

He speaks directly to Castiel.

Cas understands every word.

Auferam a vobis gratia deifretrem ut diligas semper et recordaberis. 

I remove god's grace from you brother may you always love and remember.

A searing pain. 

A blinding light. 

Nothing.


	19. Chapter 19

Cas has been human for a week. Haniel left the day after he removed Castiel's grace. Sam and Bobby had stayed at and were planning on staying untill Dean no longer needed them. 

Dean had hardly slept in the week wearas that was all Cas was doing. Night after night Cas called out Dean's name writhing around, limbs thrashing. A couple of times Cas actually managed to hit Dean. It was almost as if Cas were being tortured. And no matter how much Dean tried to soothe and comfort his boyfriend it never worked. 

It had been eight days. Cas was being particularly quiet so Dean had decided to go to the kitchen in search of some hard liquor. He got there only to find Bobby already pouring himself a glass. 

"alright son?" Bobby asks getting a second glass from the cupboard. "Tonights the quietest he's been all week, Bobby yanno i hate chick flick moments but I'm worried about him... why hassn't he woke up yet? And whats with the shouting? Haniel never mentioned this, Do you think that son of a birch double crossed us?" Dean was getting worked up. He haddnt been able to voice his concerns so he had just sat around pusshing them to the back of his mind and now once he started he couldn't stop. Bobby handed him the glass of amber liquid and guided him over to the couch. 

"Look you remember how Sam was when he lost his soul. And Sam is human. Cas has just had the very energy that made him an angel taken from him. That means no mor zapping from place to place, no more instant heal. No more wings. All that power that he had inside him gone. It is going to take his body a while to adjust."  

Bobby had a fair point and Dean diddn't know what to say. 

There was a comfortable silence between the men as they finished teir drinks and just as Dean was about to ask Bobby a question the silence was shattered by a blood curdling scream followed by Deans name being whimpered. 

Dean lept up and ran to the bedroom to find Cas wide eyed and and curled up in the the middle of the floor. "Cas are you okay ? ... It's me Dean. Nod if your okay?" Weakly Castiel nodded his head. He was silently weeping now occassionally hiccuping. "Bobby can you get him a glass of water whilst i get him back to bed?" Asked Dean knowing Bobby was in the doorway. "sure thing." Bobby said as he left. 

As Bobby headed back to the kitchen Sam pooped his head out of his door. "Whats all the racket?" 

"Uh,Cas kinda woke up and got scared" Sam just stood there mouth open for a moment. "Oh, is he okay? Hows Dean?" Bobby motioned for Sam to follow him. 

"There both okay, Cas is quite shaken up but seems physically okay as  can be and Dean well he is sleep deprived and worried about Cas.. that and the idjit is sporting a mean blue eye."  Sam shook his head "Typical Dean" 

Meanwhile in the bedroom, Dean had managed to get Cas into bed but he was ridgid laying on his back, staring straight up at the celing. And, he wouldnt say a word.  "Cassy, baby? whats wrong? your safe now, i'm by your side forever and always. Please tell me..." Again nothing, no amount of coaxing was going to get Cas to explain.


	20. Chapter 20

"NOO!" Again i am forced to see the same images over and over. I am trapped, my brothers and sisters are keeping me locked in a sterile white room. I cannot move i am cuffed to a chair, there are implements of torture to my left and a screen infront of me. I am unsure if what i am watching is real but all i know is they are hurting Dean and i cannot help him. They are making him cry out in pain, his crys are so desperate and i am stuck here helpless unarmed inhibited i cannot stop them there is no way out. I can feel my grace slipping away  from me.

I do not know how long i have been here i do not know if i can survive like this, i would much rather die...

THAT'S IT! with the last of my grace i will the angel blade that sits among the devices i take one last look up at the screen Dean's once glimmering emerald green eyes now dull begin to droop close he is abiut to die and so am i we will be reunited. 

The blade now hovers over my heart, I hear Dean whisper my name one last time as he breathes his last breath. The blade plunges Deep into my heart and i Cry out Dean's name as loud as i can.

Its all over there is only darkness, yet it feels as if i am still alive... why? why are my familybtorturing me so surely i would have been reunited with Dean again by now, So in a last ditch attempt i cry out his name "DEEAANN!" i silently sob curled up in a ball.... surprisingly a man that resembles Dean comes to my aid.. he sounds exactly like Dean and from what i can see in this darkened room he looks like him... this is torture.. what have i done to deserve this why are my brothers forcing me to see the man i love.. i know he isn't real i watched him die! 

The man that claims to be Dean holds me to his chest, he smells exactly like how Dean smelled... he picks me up and carries me over to a bed... He tries to talk to me. I will not buckle, if it looks like this isnt breaking me then they will stop.


	21. Chapter 21

so Cas is awake... but unresponsive. He is human and has human needs but he is ignoring them. He will eat and drink and maybe sleep for a few hours but he might aswell be a vegetable... ive been talking to Bobby who has been talking to Haniel... so far we have figured out the night terrors had to do with his grace. The angels were manipulating it and causing Cas to halucinate.. He belived the halucination to be true hence why he is in this state now... Haniel says theres no magic to help Cas that the only thing we can possibly do is to try and trigger his memory of the events leading up to the removal of his grace... i dont know what to do. 

A few days after Haniel had given us the news, i was about to walk in the bedroom with Cas's food but i heard him talking. I leaned in closer and listened to what he was saying. " Why? brothers why? i wished only to love this man. I even wished to marry him. please leave me alone. If i cannot have Dean then i want to die, i should be dead. I plunged an angel blade into my chest..." His voice broke and i couldnt distinguish the words from the sobs. 

That was it though! He remember the proposal. All Dean would have to do is persude Cas that he was the real Dean. Dean put Cas' food down and walked out to see Bobby but he found Sam instead. so, with the cheesiest grin he could manage Dean wrapped his arm around his brothers shoulder, " guess what Sammy?!" Sam hesitated "what Dean?"  Dean's face lit up even more. "Jus' figured out how to bring Cassy back!"  Bo by walked out into the living room, "Thats brilliant son but how you gunna go about doing it?" Dean smirked. "I'm gunna need a few things first!" 

The three men spent the rest of the evening planning this grand gesture. Dean had tasked Sam with going to the shop and getting a bunch of ingredients including every bridal magazine he could find, he had sent Bobby to keep an eye on Cas whilst Dean cleaned up the place. Dean was planning a date night.


	22. Chapter 22

Dean had waited until Sam got back to put his plan in action. For it to work Cas had to think the real Dean had come to save the day. So when Sam got back, Bobby Sam and Dean began cooking dinner as quietly as possible. Dean had already cleaned up and set the table for the two of them. "Sam? Hand us the magazines would ya?" whispered Bobby. He laid them out and began to circle certain tuxedos so as it looked like Dean had been wedding planning. 

Once dinner was cooked and laid it was time for the plan to be put in action. The three men went down to the other end of the house and began to "fight" they made as much noise as possible to raise Castiel's attention they even shot a couple of the ornaments. 

From the bedroom Cas could hear fighting it was very close. He could hear "Dean's" voice asking wear he was. why would "Dean" ask wear Cas was he already knew.... unless... no! It couldnt be the real Dean was dead. Again came Dean's voice, " If you dont tell me wear he is i am going to douse you in holy oil and set you on fire, you winged son's of bitches!" That had to be Dean! 

The Men had moved into the living area. "If you need us just call." whispered Bobby. "Good luck!" Sam patted Dean on the back and the two of them left the bunker. Now to rescue Cas thought Dean. 

"Cas?" Called Dean pretending not to know wear his fionce was. 

Dean was calling my name? He must have killed the imposters! I got up and went over to the door opening it a crack and there stood Dean in full glory he had a black eye and a split lip his clothes were twisted from fighting with the angels. "Cas!" he swept towards me and for the first time i dropped my guard no matter what had happened both inside and out of my head this had to be Dean there was no other reason for him fighting with "Sam" and "Bobby". "Dean!" I wrapped my arms around him. "Ive missed you buddy!" he said "It's all safe now so why don't you come with me?" I wanted to kiss him first so i did. I though he was dead i thought i was dead i was not letting him out of my sight. 

On our way to wearever it was Dean wanted to go i got a strange feeling of dejavu i know this place it feeled familiar almost like home... but i was being kept here by my brothers why would it be my home? Dean saw the wistful look on my face. "Cas? Do you remember this place?" i stopped dead in my tracks what a question. why would he ask me that. "Kind of it feels like i live here... why?" I was suddenly suspicious again. "Thats because it is home Cas. We have been living here for about three months now. But come on i have something to show you in the livingroom!" He seemed quite happy. I followed him into the living room... i stopped in the doorway... "surprise!" There was no signs of struggle here it was dark but there were candles lit at a table and visibly hot food on it.. And was that wedding pictures on the coffee table? what was going on?  "Dean what the hell?" 

"Look you must be hungry sit down and eat with me?"  as if in aswer to Deans question my stomach rumbled... "if this pain in my stomach is hunger then yes... but why is it that i am as you say hungry... my vessle is not in need of regular meals!?" we walked to the table and Dean rounded it and pulled out a chair for me i sat and dug in, he chuckled. He began to eat his food aswell.  i still couldnt get rid of this sense of unease " Cas? you trust me right?" i swallowed, "yes Dean." i lied i was begining to distrust him what if it was another trick to get me to fall apart again. "I know you are confused and theres are allot of unaswered questions but you need to listen to what i'm about to tell you."  I was really hungry so i continued to eat and simply nodded. 

" a year ago the angels found out you and i were together, they recalled you back to heaven and tried to kill you for 'warcrimes' but you hid. Remember?" 

Again i nodded of coarse i remembered. 

"And about four months ago you came back with an angel friend Haniel" 

At the mention of his name i got a funny feeling in my belly but i nodded all the same.

"we fixed you up and hid you, here, you and me lived here alone for about four monthes, just like old times."

Dean reached out and took my hand, i was suddenly overcome by a flashback. I had forgotten. And i now remembered every little moment we had spent together all the nights we fell asleep together on the couch watching old movies, the food fights, petty arguments and the sex... oh boy the sex how could i have forgotten that. But that didn't explain all the funny feelings i had. 

"your angel friend Haniel,-" 

i nodded

"well he went and talked to the big guys upstairs and they agreed that you could live as long as they got your grace-"  

I shot up from my chair. "you mean to tell me im...im..human" the last part i whispered. That would explain all these odd feelings. Dean simply nodded. "But, why were my brothers holding me here? why did they torture me with you." Dean stood up and came over to me "Cas you were asleep for just over a week, every day you thrashed about calling out my name. Then three days ago you woke up and haven't said a word since, you won't touch me or look at me. Cas i pretended to kill Sam and Bobby so you would think i was me! For christ sake Cas! i miss you, do you know how its torn me apart to see that ring on your finger, a symbol of our relationship, and to have you lie beside me everynight, thinking im torture. I am the real Dean winchester, I have no idea what they made you see, but it wassn't real. whats real is this!" And he grabbed ahold of my hand raising it so i could see the ring on my finger. Before i could form a coherant thought he dropped my hand and circled my waist with one arm and put the other hand in my hair. He lent in and began to kiss me. "For fucks sake Cas just kiss me back!" Dean began to sob. In the hazey candle light  i saw a man, a man just as broke as I. A man who had lost it all for someone... And that someone was me.


	23. Chapter 23

"Sam, i'm gunna go an get some food can you call your brother an see how things are going?" Bobby said on his way out of the motel. Sam wassn't really paying much attention though he had spotted a local news article online about strange goings on, it was the kind of thing Dean and him would snap up. Sam was itching to hunt again they haddnt been since Cas got back. 

That made Sam think. What if once Cas was better Dean no longer wanted to hunt. Sam felt a stab of jealousy. He had tried and tried to get out of hunting. He had finally accepted it, he just couldn't live an apple pie life. But now Dean the most emotionally fucked out of them both, had fallen in love and was ready to settle down. Atleast i actually know how to express my feelings, i never knew my mum or dad for that matter. Im okay with how i am, Dean always feels inadequate and doubts himself. Yeah fair enough we have been through a lot, but i never turnt to alcoholism to solve my problems. Every time Dean cant handle thing he drowns his sorrows in a bottle of Jack. Wonder if Cas knows that... Coarse he does he's and angel and he has been watching over Dean... Us... Since he bought him back from hell. 

"Sam? How's things in the bunker?" Sam looked around for a second trying to think of an excuse. "Um.. uh, there good Dean didnt tell me much, too busy." Bobby shook his head put the takeout down on the table and sat down opposite Sam. "Don't try lyin to me boy, I practicly raised you as my own, now whats eating at ya?" Sam gave an exasperated sigh. 

"I guess theres no point lying, so uh its Cas well not Cas, Dean but it's not his fault. I cant be angry at him for loving him. Its just... I dunno i had Jess she was the closest thing i had to a normal life i loved and still love her, But i didnt get to be with her, now she's dead. then there was Maddison, and Ruby and Amelia. None of them i got to live out me desires. But Dean Seems more than happy to forget what ive given up for him and for hunting in general." Bobby sits and contemplates what Sam Said. "Look Sam you have lost a lot for him and he knows it. Dean is getting restless. And yes the two of them are all cute now but you remeber how it was before when Cas came with you, it will be like that again soon enough. Look Sam, I dont think its a good idea for you to come back to the bunker, I'm gunna make a few calls. Why don't you find a couple cases and stretch your legs. I'll keep an eye on things here." Solemly Sam nodded and Bobby got up to make his calls. 

Once Bobby had sorted out a hunting buddy for Sam he made the call to Dean,

"Hey bud," 

"Bobby? you realise what time it is?" 

"Uh, no why?" 

"It's one, in the morning!" 

"Ah, sorry 'bout that but just thought i'd check in. How is he." 

"Taking a shower, he belives me for the most part and we've been talking about what he is going to have to do now he's human. Thats scaring him at the minute, and me if i'm honest." 

"Well atleast he hassnt tried to kill you," Bobby chuckled but there was a hint of unease. 

"Bobby?" Asked Dean sensing the distress. "whats wrong?" 

"Its nothing really i just got a couple of calls and Sam has offered to go for me, its just a couple of demon cases, you know the usual." Dean wassnt one hundred percent sure but he went with it. 

"Ah okay, As long as he isn't alone." 

"He'll be fine, now go and get some rest i'll see you in the morning?" 

"Alright Bobby," He hung up.


	24. Chapter 24

"Dean?" 

"Yeah?" 

"I-I still dont understand, Dean i feel like i should believe you, and i do but, but there is still a part of me that cant ..." 

Cas sat on the floor of the living room a bridal mag in hand, Dean had just got off the phone from bobby and had a worrisome look about him. 

"Look Cas you have been through hell and what the Angels did is beyond comprehension, but i think we just need to carry on." He walked up to Cas and made a standing motion, he rose from his position on the floor, "C'mon, lets just go to bed."

Cas let himself be pulled towards the bedroom. Once they reached the dim room Dean let go of his partners wrist and leant in for a kiss, knowing if he pulled back Dean would get hurt and then defensive Cas let himself get kissed but he didnt reciprocate. 

"Dean.... I cant-" Cas' voice broke, a sob racked through his body. He turned away leaving Dean to stand alone not sure of what he had done wrong. 

After about five minutes of contemplation Dean went back out to the living room. "Look Cas.." Dean started angrily but one look at the couch stopped him in his tracks. The angel, ex angel, was lying on the stiff couch curled up in a foetal position asleep and he was whimpering not like he was before but it was clear to the hardened hunter that his angel was distressed. The anger dissipated and Dean sank to his knees and began to stroke the hair away from Castiel's face, he was crying. Without noticing Dean had begun to hum a lullaby, the only lullaby he had ever know, the one his mum had once sang to him on the nights when he was afraid, he hadn't sang this song out loud ever it had too many memories attached to it, but for some reason in this moment when all he wanted was for everything to be okay between him and Cas, all he wanted to do was soothe Castiel to reassure him and himself that every thing was going to be okay.

Hey jude, don't make it bad, take a sad song and make it better.. 

Dean moved his hand from cradling Castiel's face to his back, if he didn't know better he would swear he heard Cas say I love you. 

And any time you feel pain, Hey jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders 

As Dean moved into the last verses of the song he began to relive a memory one he had long since repressed. It was an average day, the sun beat down and the air was dry his mother, still alive at this point, was outside tending to her beloved flower beds. Dean was also outside sat besides his mother. "Mom?" Dean asked tentatively. "Yes Dean?" replied Mary sitting so she could face her son. "Mommy why do you want to name the baby Sam?" Dean reached out a gentle hand and placed it on his mother's swollen belly. Mary was heavily pregnant with her second child but unbeknown to any of them Mary only had a few more months left to her life... After she explained about her father she took the boy inside. The rest of the day was a blur, and before Dean knew it, it was time to go to bed.

Not too long after, he heard the tell tale rumble of his father's car pulling up on the driveway, he heard the familiar squeak of the door and prepared himself to run downstairs and greet his dad, but he could sense something was up. Dean did not know at the time but his father had gotten drunk, apparently he had lost his job and had spent the day in a bar. There was shouting and crashing then crying, it went on for ages, knowing that he was of no use Dean curled up into a ball and closed his eyes. He eventually fell into a fitful sleep. It wasn't until he woke up from a nightmare that he got any comfort, he called out for his mother and she came to him immediately hushing him, reassuring him. The nightmare was about his father, angry he had hit Dean and nobody was there to make him feel safe. Mary never told him that John had hit her not Dean. She just told him that no harm would ever come to him, that daddy was just a little upset. And she sang the little boy back to sleep. 

Dean repressed that memory because it was the exact moment his life had begun to go wrong, he had also repressed it because it was a good memory a time when there were no monsters under the bed and he never had to fend for himself, and Dean could never allow himself to want that life again. 

A single tear slipped from Deans eye he got up and grabbed three blankets from the airing cupboard, two for Cas and one for him. He tucked his angel in and sank to the floor, Cas had settled down now thanks to the lullaby but Dean wanted to be there just incase Cas had a nightmare.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains suicidal thoughts self harm, thoughts of low self worth and mentions nigphtmares

This chapter contains suicidal thoughts self harm, thoughts of low self worth and mentions nightmares

It's been a month since Cas came around.. Or out of whatever was happening in his head. He was still being distant he was slowly regaining parts of his memory but he still had to be reassured of some things. And The thing that worries Dean most is that Cas is still getting nightmares.

In a bid to start fresh Dean had began working at a garage in the nearby town so he could save some cash. When he was working Bobby would look after Cas. But today was moving day! Dean had invested all the money he had earned and a little of his hunting emergency money and decided to rent a small bungalow in Sioux Falls so he was close to Bobby if anything were to happen.

Sam patted Dean on the back, "you'd better go down make sure you got all your stuff, and... Cas.." He faltered looking around Cas wasn't to be seen... He must have gone back down. Dean grinned at his little brother and jogged over the the shack that housed the entrance to the bunker it had been a while since Cas had been above ground so he could understand if it was a little daunting.

"Cas? Cas? Dean called out all the lights were out.. That's strange he thought I left them all on when I left.. Had someone been back down.. It was only the three of them. Bobby had to help Garth with something.. "Cas!" He shouted this time a startled noise came from infront of him. Dean internally scolded himself for one forgetting how fragile Cas was and two for letting his eyesight get this bad that he couldn't see to the other side of the room. He shuffled forward hands out infront of him feeling around for the lamp he knew was on a table somewhere. Before he could get there the lamp was switched on by a dewy eyed Castiel holding a beige thing in one of his hands. "Cas? What have you got there?" The man opposite him straightened up throwing the offending article at him... He swiftly glanced at it. The trench coat.. Oh for christs sake again Dean scolded himself. He should have packed it up and hid it from Cas. He couldn't bring himself to get rid of it... Not just yet.

"Why Dean? After I asked you to dispose of it do you keep it hidden at the bottom of your draws?" Without missing a beat Cas continued "is it because you want me to be that person? Am I not good enough? You only loved the angel in me and that's why you kept it that coat was what I wore as an angel .. and now I'm no longer part of the host.." Dean dropped the coat and grabbed Cas by his flailing wrists using your full force into barraging him into the closest solid surface in the purpose he knocked the lamp from its perch and he heard the tell take smash if the bulb breaking and the two were plunged into total darkness. Dean was angry and Cas didn't dare to fight back he just let Dean manhandle him, only letting out a hiss of breath as his back hit the wall.

Dean purposely kept ahold of castiels wrists pinning him down keeping him at his mercy. "How dare you accuse me of such things. If I was only interested in you cos you were an angel I would still be fucking that bitch Anna! I have gone through hell for you Castiel it matters not that you are angel or man I love you.. But you throwing all these accusations at me only make me feel like you are the one who no longer loves me!" Castiel attempted to protest but Dean simply closed what little space there was between them so he was pressed up against his fiancé. "If you haven't forgotten again we are engaged, is this what couples do!? I never want to hear you say this to me again! I sit awake every night helpless to your cries, I watched as you stared at me like I was killing you when all I was doing was trying to give you dinner! I think by now you'd be secure in the fact that we love each other, but if not then maybe we need some breathing space.. But either way we are leaving so I will see you in the impala in five minutes."

Dean let go and Cas scampered away from him. Dean let go of a sigh and a few tears ran down his face pooling at his chin then slowly falling to the floor. He already regretted talking to Cas that way what if he had scared him away forever... There was no way he could live without Cas. Dean slid to the floor his head filling of memories of his lifetime, the joyous occasions when Cas was around and the dark times when he wasn't. His head settled on a single memory, it was a day that both Bobby and Sam refuse to talk about. The day Dean had decided enough was enough and he could no longer live his life without Cas.

Beep beep beep came the alarm, "Dean!" Shouted Sam. Dean rolled over grabbed a pillow and stuck it over his head as if he needed anymore noise than the voices already running through his head. Why did Sam have to wake him up? Without Cas Dean had no reason to get up, no reason to fight, no reason to live... it clicked. That was the answer, no more getting up, no more voices.. but Sam... "he is a big boy now he can fight for himself now" said the voice. Sam sighed and got up from wherever he was sat leaving the motel room... Once Dean was sure he had left and heard the familiar rumble of his baby's engine pulling out of the parking lot he sat up and pulled on some clothes. He didn't care if they were clean or if they smelt of week old whiskey it was clothes. He skulked out of the motel room and made his way to the pharmacy round the corner sure that he remembered Sam saying yesterday he was going to the library today and that was on the other side of town. Inside the pharmacy he grabbed some razors and two packs of Tylenol, he had some sleeping pills in the draw back at the motel he was going to take them all and if that didn't work them he would attempt to cut his radial artery and the surrounding veins in his wrist. on his way back to the motel he stopped in to the newsagent and grabbed a cheap little dollar notebook and a few pens he guessed he owed Sam an excuse for why he killed himself...

"I'm sorry sammy, you deserve a better brother than me, I'm just a disappointment. I never lived up to dads expectations, I always put you in danger. And now cas has left me i really have no reason to live... Sorry Sam. When you bury me.. Don't give me a proper hunters funeral I didnt die with dignity. I just can't keep it up any longer."

After swallowing the painkillers, He lowered himself into the bath unsure if the tablets would have the desired effect he took hold of the razor blade and pressed down on the inside of his wrist making a single horizontal cut. It began to bleed profusely. His vision clouded over and he was no longer aware of his surroundings.

It was the one and only time Dean had actively tried to take his life. It was thanks to Sam that he was still alive and able to enjoy living with Cas. He still had to scar to prove it. Cas had often asked what it was from but each time Dean had told him it was a story for another time, to suggest it was a hunting scar was almost brave and heroic what gave him the scar was an act of hopeless depression. It was about time Dean told Cas even if it made no difference and Cas still left him, he owed Castiel the truth.


	26. chapter 26

"Cas, you don't have to say anything but I need to tell you something..."   
Dean paused, he heard a shuffle and saw the outline of his love sat in front of him. Just this simple act reassured Dean not only that Cas was listening but that his earlier outburst hadn't frightened his angel away.   
"Cas Yanno the scar on my wrist... Well, I didn't get it from hunting..." He paused again. This time searching for the right words. He tried again.   
"Well after you left without warning I kinda lost myself for a while I thought... I got to be honest with you... I thought you'd tired of me coz I'm just a fragile human with way too much baggage so I.. Umm.." Dean couldn't finish his sentence.   
"I know Dean." Said Castiel gently. "Who do you think told Sam. I saw everything and it broke my heart, Dean."   
The two men sat in silence neither one too sure what to do. Dean made the first move, he reached out slowly to run his hands through Cas's ebony locks. Cas pressed into Dean's touch, wanting this tender moment to last forever.

A few hours later the gang had packed up all their things and we're moving out, Cas sat in the back silently watching the scenery moving past them. Because it was only the three of them Sam hadn't bought the Impala that was still at Bobby's. They planned to go back to Bobby's switch their luggage from one car to the other than the two men were going to travel the twenty minutes down the road to their new home. Neither Cas or Dean had mentioned their earlier breakthrough, Dean because he felt awkward admitting to such a weakness and Cas because he respected Dean and how hard opening up about his low points were. He needed Dean to know that it wasn't weak though, that Cas felt entirely at fault for it as well because if he had never left, Dean wouldn't have been driven so far. If it wasn't for Cas purging him of the toxins coursing through his veins he would have died in that bathtub though, so many complex thoughts were running through Cas's brain.   
A single tear slid down Castiel's face. When he was created he never anticipated the life he would live, he had lived such a sad story so far in his life. Maybe being human wasn't so bad after all, maybe this was his redemption his chance to try to live a good life. He would not wish for normal, for God's sake he was marrying Dean Winchester, there was no normal in this life. But maybe, just maybe they had a shot at happiness together.

It had become evident that although occasionally easily shaken up, Cas' memories had been coming back, if he concentrated hard enough he could remember things. They were coming back in almost chronological order. He was thankful for that. He was becoming stronger every day and was looking forward to seeing his new house, his home for the foreseeable future.   
He and Dean had had this conversation very few times about living together, it was almost a given the two of them were better together than apart, they just never had the time or the balls to talk to one another about it. Cas knew that Dean would like to move back to Lawrence at some point in his future but he also knew that Dean was a glutton for punishment and Cas believed that for Dean to truly be at peace with his past he needed a fresh start somewhere he had never been. Gosh, Cas thought to himself the two of them has A LOT of stuff to talk about now that he was human! But all of that could wait. They had the time now he realized.  
Life for the two of them used to be a knifes edge never really knowing when you were about to fall off. But now there were no scary monsters or evil people hunting them. They were free. Both men were coming to terms with that notion. Freedom. They were just grateful for each other.


End file.
